Sasha

His skin suddenly felt like fire against mine, hot and burning. Worry in his eyes was replaced by something so fierce and deep, but I was too afraid to hope.

So many—too many—questions were in my head. I didn't know what was going on, but the fact that Jaehyun was here in Bandung made me forget anything else. How could he do this? And he was hiding alone in a public bathroom, for God's sake. Where were his bodyguards? The other members? Personal assistant or whatever? And the most important question, why was he here?

He was an idol, gosh, he couldn't just fly all the way from Korea to Indonesia like this. What if someone recognized him? What if someone recognized us? Everything would surely go downhill and I didn't think I'd be ready for that. Oh, and how about his fiancé? The handsome guy already had a fiancé and yet here he was with me. I couldn't think straight.

I stepped out of the elevator once I reached the lobby. He didn't need to tell me which bathroom he was in since this hotel only had one bathroom for visitors. Jaehyun must've had his eyes on my account, otherwise he wouldn't know about my updates in Bandung for the past week.

Just in time I got in front of the bathroom's door, my phone rang. Jaehyun's new number flashed before my eyes and I immediately answered.

“I'm outside,” I whispered. “Do you have a hoodie on?”

“Yup. How's the hall?”

“Quite empty. One staff and a couple. We should be safe.”

Jaehyun said no more before ending the call. I waited in an anticipation. This would be my first time seeing my idol in person. I was calm before because the only thing I could think about was his safety. And now that I was about to face him, the urge to just bolt out of this place grew stronger.

Something clicked from inside, and then there he was.

My breath hitched in my throat as I took in his appearance. He was wearing a simple outfit—black sweatpants, a white T-shirt underneath a dark Green hoodie, a black cap, dark glasses, and a backpack—and he looked as gorgeous as ever. I thought I was going to drool if he didn't snap me back to reality with his deep voice.

“We're both in shock right now, but I think we should move,” he said in a hushed voice, “We can continue check out each other later.”

My cheeks were burning because of his words. Was I seriously going to spend the night with him? With the Jaehyun of NCT? What was I dreaming about last night?

“Karana, come on,” he tugged at wrist, dragging me along to the elevator. The feel of his fingers around my skin was something out of this world, I might pass out. “Which floor?”

Moving like a robot, I pressed the button to my floor. We were silent as I felt Jaehyun hadn't let go of my wrist. When we finally got inside of my room, he let go. I never felt that relieved in my entire life.

Then everything turned awkward.

“I'm sorry,” he began, “I'm sorry I came unannounced.”

I didn't know what to say. I was in awe, I was too stunned to speak. This couldn't be real. Jaehyun couldn't be right here in front of me. Then everything—everything that we'd been through for the last six months—started attacking my mind. The first time he replied to my DMs, the first fight, the misunderstanding, the first text from him... everything.

I wanted to cry, suddenly.

“Hey, hey,” he took a step forward, but when I stepped back to avoid touching him, he stopped. “I'm sorry, Karana. But please don't cry. I know this is too much, but please, I can't see you like this.”

“Jay...”

“Can I hug you?”

“W-what?”

“Hug,” he whispered, “Can I hug you?”

That was when I looked up and finally dared to look into those gorgeous brown eyes. He looked as miserable as me, as if he wanted to start explaining the whole thing. But what whole thing? And I wanted to hug him so bad, to feel him in person, but could I? I might pass out and that'd be embarrassing.

Before I could answer, he quickly reached for me and then pulled my body into his embrace. I didn't realize my tears were falling down my cheeks the second his scent hit my senses—but, yes, I was a crying mess by now. He felt so cozy and warm, and I didn't dare to let go.

He squeezed my waist a little before sighing, “God, so this is how it feels to have you in my arms.”

“Jay,” I rasped, “Don't say stuff like that.”

“Fuck it,” he spat, “I missed you. Us.”

“Jay...”

“I'm sorry, Karana, I'm fucking sorry. I don't know how to put it, but I am sorry. Please don't let go.”

“Look, Jay,” I pulled away a little only to be hugged even tighter. I sighed deeply, defeated. “Let's talk, okay? We need it. I'm not going anywhere so you can let go. Come on.”

“Nope.”

“Please.”

“No.”

An idea popped in my mind and I knew this was crazy—insane—but this might get his attention. I ran my fingers through his black hair, slowly caressing it. His hair was soft and slightly wet, probably due to the rain outside. I heard him sigh as he started nuzzling my neck.

What. The. Fuck.

I sucked in a breath, trying to calm down.

“Don't,” I stuttered.

“You started it,” he shot back with a deep, raspy voice. “I like games, too.”

“I'm not playing a game.” I could almost feel myself panting, but I managed to calm down. “I just want to talk, Jay. If you're sorry, don't you think you owe me an explanation?”

That got his attention. Jaehyun finally released me and plopped himself down on the couch.

“It's fucked up,” he harshly rubbed his face in frustration. “Everything's a mess now. That's why I flew here. I wanted to escape.”

“Wait,” I rushed into the bathroom to get him a bathrobe and a towel. I also fetched some water, just in case. “Take everything off and change into this bathrobe. I don't want you catch a cold. I'll make you tea while you change.”

After everything had done, I took a sit behind him as I decided to dry his hair with the towel. I could tell he enjoyed it, he must've been tired.

“So?” I began.

He leaned back a little, and instinctively I spread my legs wider so he ended up in between them, with his back in my chest. This was too intimate but my brain was too empty to protest.

He took a deep breath. “Do you know that Korean managements are as bad as the western's? They all love drama and manipulations, and I was in it.”

“Was?“

“Was,” he nodded. “Remember Kim?”

“Your past PA who replied to my DMs? Who caused our misunderstanding?”

“Yup,” he nodded again, “I fired her. And, shit, it was a long time ago—six months ago. But her power still lingers. Apparently my current PA is still related to Kim, and they plotted a revenge for me. After all this time, Kim is still salty that I fired her. I mean, fuck that, she was rude to you. She created chaos. She should've seen it coming.”

“Okay, okay,” I stopped him from rambling while still softly drying his hair, “Enough about Kim. So what happened? What did Kim and your new PA do?”

“They convinced the management that I needed some drama,” Jaehyun snorted irritatingly, “That's why they made me 'propose' to someone. I'm not actually engaged, Karana.”

The towel dropped to the floor and I instantly backed away from him. Our body was so close to each other, too close. His skin suddenly felt like fire against mine, so hot and burning that I had to get away.

“Please sit up,” I stammered, “Please, I need some space.”

Jaehyun must've sensed my trembling body that he quickly got up and spun around to check on me. I could see worry in his eyes, but I didn't care. So Jaehyun was still single? He wasn't attached to anyone? I was here, in this damned room, with the man I loved, all alone? And he wasn't engaged? Fuck, I needed to run.

“Karana—”

“Stop—”

“No,” he cut me off, “I'm here because I needed to see you, to explain everything to you. It hurt me hurting you. I wanted to hold you, Karana. And now that I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Because, yes, I like you. I adore you. Hell, I love you.“

I looked up at him. Something unreadable flashed across his face, and then his expression softened. Worry in his eyes was replaced by something so fierce and deep, but I was too afraid to hope.

“I love you,” he mumbled, taking a few steps toward me. His body was towering over mine, his arms were out, ready to hold me whenever I'd be ready. “I didn't think I'd fall for fans. Not because fans don't deserve a chance with their idol, but because it'd be complicated to have something special with them. But with you, I was never afraid to try—I never am. How you were willing to open up to me with your DMs although you knew I might never respond, how you were always so patient with me and my crazy schedules, how you were so good at making me feel better. It was—is—all you, Karana. I'm so grateful for having you in my life. Thank you for starting everything first. Thank you for those DMs. Thank you.“

When the first tear rolled down, Jaehyun was ready to envelop me in his hug. He held me tight, his arms tightened at the right places. He kissed my hair repeatedly while mumbling sweet-nothings. I buried my face deep in the crook of his neck, crying shamelessly. And at last, he pulled away a little to look intently at my eyes with a widened smile. And those dimples... gorgeous.

“I love you,” he said for the third time. “So, so much, Karana. I love you. I don't think you understand. I love you.“

I giggled. His face brightened at that. He was adorable and I wanted to scream that I didn't think I deserved him. But he chose me. He chose me. And I think that was enough.

“And I love you, Jay.”

He leaned in, and then our gap closed.